Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Relationship Break Up - 2 Schools Of Thought




Breaking up is hard enough to do as it is, no one wants to have to endure a big scene where theres a lot of crying and pleading. Yuck. To find the best way to go through a relationship break up and make it as easy as possible on both of you, here are a few tips.

More than likely by the time you're ready to end the relationship you've already had enough emotional scenes to last a lifetime and just can't face the idea of another one. That's the reason that some people take the (tacky) route of leaving a voice mail message or sending a text message to breakup. While it's understandable that you'd want to avoid another scene, it's a crappy way to end a relationship.

There is a middle ground, somewhere between a tacky text message and a full on emotional assault:

1. For one thing, make darn sure you really want to breakup. Now is not the time to be wishy washy. Give it some thought and don't do it on the spur of the moment or you may just end up regretting it and eating your words. But, once you've made up your mind give yourself a day or so to get your head around it. When the times comes you have to be calm and firm and allowing yourself time to get used to the idea will help you accomplish that.

2. Now that you've decided that a breakup is the right thing to do and you've gotten used to the idea, don't drag it out forever. Decide on the best time and place, and make it soon, to have 'the talk' with your partner. When choosing the best time and place you should choose a time where you can take some time and explain things. Don't tell your best friend or anyone else until you talk to your partner, you don't want someone to slip up and say something before you've had a chance to talk to your partner, the news has to come from you.

As to the location, there are two schools of thought on that. Some people recommend a restaurant or some place public to keep the scene to a minimum. While other people think that this type of conversation should be handled in private so that your soon - to- be-ex doesn't have the added humiliation of breaking down in public. Personally, unless I were afraid for my safety, I'd go for the private location. I just think that your partner deserves that much respect.

3. When the two of you meet, don't go for the big buildup. Just say what you want to say and get it out. Make sure you explain why you've reached the decision you have (explain, don't justify. It's your decision to make you don't have to justify it). Be compassionate but firm. Don't waver in the least. Let them talk if they want, but only for a short time. It won't do either of you any good to sit through a long, uncomfortable pleading session. If they have something to say, fine, let them have their say. But if it's just one long attempt to get you to change your mind you have to pull the plug.

4. After you've done the deed, leave. Don't call them and don't accept their calls if they call you. It may sound harsh but it's far worse for you to send mixed signals and talk to them if you really don't want them in your life. Best for both of you to just move on.

A relationship break up is never a fun thing to go through, but if you have to do it, do it as compassionately, and quickly as possible. It's best for both of you.

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