Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Your Marriage Break Up- Take The Time

You may be feeling quite overwhelmed if you are dealing with a marriage break up. With all there is to think about and deal with you may not know where to start. It is best to step back, clear your head and then sort everything out logically and if possible without too much emotion attached.

When you get married you believe that the marriage will last forever and it can come as a big shock when that marriage falls apart. Your planned life has suddenly changed drastically and you aren't sure where your life is heading anymore. Then there are so many issues to take care of, both emotionally and financially. The issues can be much worse if you have children involved who will also be affected by a divorce.

There may be a chance that you can work things out and get your marriage back together. This does happen between couples if they can sit down and talk about what the problems are in their marriage without it turning into an argument. If you find that every time you try to talk about things you both walk away angrier than before, then perhaps you should use a mediator.

A marriage counselor can help you to talk things through and work out your issues. A church pastor or minister is another option and often quite a good one. A pastor tends to be more committed to helping save marriages as it is what the church firmly believes in. A pastor will genuinely want to help you to restore your marriage and will do what he can to assist you with that.

If your marriage is beyond repair and you know that it is over for good then you need to accept that it is over and start planning for your future. A good divorce attorney is always a good idea and it really is best to get all your finances and assets settled sooner rather than later.

To settle all the financial matters you may need to consider selling your house and splitting the proceeds or one party buying out the other. You will need to split any bank account balances or loans. Then there is the furniture and appliances in your home, you will need to decide who will take what. It is best to get all of these things sorted out early so you can get closure and move on. If you delay settling these issues then it can be difficult to move on.

The hardest thing to handle during a marriage break up is if there are children involved and you need to decide on custody. It is important to put the child's best interests first and always do what is best for them. Don't try to influence the way the child feels about the other parent as this can confuse and even damage a child psychologically. You also need to be careful of the children's feelings about the divorce as many children will think that it is somehow their fault so you need to make sure that your child knows that the divorce is not his fault. Assure the children that you love them and that the problem lies between you and your ex and nothing to do with them.

Never get your children stuck in the middle of fights between you and your ex. Don't talk badly about your ex in front of them or do anything to alienate them from the other parent. Unless the children have been abused by your ex, then there should be no reason why he can't have some access to the children.

Try to work together with your ex to arrange visitation times and custody. It is best if you can work it out between you instead of dragging it through court and fighting over custody arrangements. Try to be flexible with visitation too, if your ex can't have the kids on time on his allocated night, swap it for another night. For the sake of the kids it is best to try and be negotiable.

Whatever you do, don't ever let the kids think that the divorce is their fault and don't get them caught in the middle of any arguments or custody battles. Your future planning must always incorporate your children and have them as your first priority.

Marriage break ups aren't easy but you will get through it and move on with your life.

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