Thursday, May 27, 2010

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

How do I get my ex back is a question that goes through many post-breakup minds. While every relationship and every breakup is different, there are certain strategies that can help you win back your loved one. Many people think that they lost their loved one because of one specific incident or mistake, but the more probable cause was one that lasted over months, or even years, and it generally includes a lack of communication. However, if you've already lost your ex, then now is not the time to scramble to start communicating again. Start with this plan of action:

Accept the break-up. This doesn't mean that the answer to "How do I get my ex back?" is no. It just means that you need to spend some time apart from your ex for now, and if you have been harassing him or her in a desperate attempt to get back together, you need to stop that now. You have a much greater chance of winning him or her back when you back off a little bit than you do by pleading, promising, begging, threatening, etc.

Try to avoid all contact. If this is not possible due to certain circumstances (like you have children that will bring you into contact, or you work together, etc.), then just minimize the contact as much as possible and keep it unemotional. Be cordial and civil but do not go beyond that. In this stage, you want to start focusing on yourself. Take this time off to better yourself. Make sure that you are eating healthy meals, exercising, and taking care of yourself. Whether you feel like it or not, start going out with friends, or join some kind of activity or volunteer group that interests you. Spend more quality time with your kids. And, if possible, scarey as it may be, spend some time alone. This all may be forced in the beginning. But if you stick with it, you will find that you start to feel better about yourself, your confidence will rise, and you will also look more attractive to others. You'll start to hear people complimenting you and seeking you out.

At this point you should re-evaluate your situation again with your ex - many people who have gotten to this point realize that they do not even want to get back together with that person again. But if you still feel that this is your goal, now is the time to start the contact again. Call him or her and make a very non-commital date such as going out for coffee. If you've managed to stay separated from your ex all this time, it's likely that your ex will be curious as to what you are up to. Your first "date" should be short and "light". Don't bring up past arguments. Make sure that you make an excuse to be the first to leave, claiming that you have an appointment, and saying how nice it was to see your ex again. This is the first step in the How do I get my ex back strategy.
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