Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What Can I do To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back


Most people find themselves asking "What can I do to get my ex
girlfriend back" following a breakup. They begin to start
thinking and philosophizing about everything that could have been
done differently. They even begin to make plans about apology
letters and other things that might be able to help them score
their relationship back.

This tends to be a dead end for one reason above all else:
Because you can never really tell what the real reasons were
behind a breakup. Women become emotional and sometimes they do
not even know what led to the break up at hand and they may not
know what is making them feel the way they do. In many
circumstances it is only harmful to lose all your energy trying
to figure out what went wrong.

The first main strategy to answer the question about "what can I
do to get my ex girlfriend back" is to forget about the
relationship for a while, putting your energy into something
else. Go out, make friends, have fun, network, and forget about
women in general. Set some realistic goals about expanding your
repertoire when it comes to seduction and meeting people.

Give yourself a couple of months and make changes in your life.
Take some time away from your ex and it will work wonders.

The effect that strategies like this will have, is that it will
allow you to make gradual changes in your life. And in how you
perceive the subject of relationships. After a few months, you
may have a much better idea of how you want to proceed with your

Do you still want to get back together with her? Or are you
ready to move on? Act accordingly. If you still want to get back
together with her, it might be time to figure out how she is
feeling about you.

Now is your chance to be a little more direct when it comes to
getting your ex girlfriend back. You need to play strategically,
however. Do not simply beg her to get back with you, because this
is not a good time to be emotional.

Instead, what you should be doing is playing things cool with
your ex. If you have spent enough time apart from her, she is
probably missing you as badly as you are missing her. Play hard
to get a little (don't over do it) and show her that you are
doing fine without her. This will inspire her to really rethink

And if getting back together with your ex really is meant to be,
now is the time when it will become apparent. Be careful not to
analyze things too much, because over analyzing may prevent you
from acting the right way when trying to figure out "what can I
do to get my ex girlfriend back". Just take things slow and play
them cool and you should be fine.

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Monday, August 30, 2010

What Can I Do To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?


Are you feeling like everything you do pushes your ex away
further? Is this describing your situation to a tee? Are you
asking "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back" at every turn?
Here are some tips that will greatly improve your chances of
getting back together with your ex boyfriend.

Obviously right now you are serious about saving or rekindling
your relationship, which is what led you to this article in the
first place. But if you are feeling overly anxious to get your ex
back, you may be behaving in the wrong way, causing your ex to
pull away naturally. It is human nature in general to resist this
kind of pressure. Struggling against human nature is completely
pointless, and it will only make matters worse.

Are you calling your ex too much, constantly writing him e-mails
or text messaging him? Are you trying to make him feel sorry for
you? If you are doing these things, stop! If you are asking
yourself " What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back", then you
need to stop doing these things right now.

So What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back? Follow this
strategy instead.

You are going to need to take a completely fresh approach. Begin
by breaking contact off for a while, doing your own thing. During
this time where there is no communication between you and your ex
boyfriend, you can focus on ways that you can improve your own
personal life, rather than focusing on the relationship issues at
hand. This is going to be a challenging time, and it is going to
require discipline to prevent you from returning to your old

During this time, your ex is going to experience a shift in how
he feels about you, since you will no longer be pursuing him. You
may become mysterious to him in some ways, because he is not sure
what you are doing or feeling. This is actually something that
can work in your favor. Now your ex is in a position to actually
miss you, which is not possible when you are smothering him.

You must remember that the key to this strategy and repairing a
break up is to work with human nature rather than attempting to
work against it. If you are wondering " What can I do to get my
ex boyfriend back", now you should have a fairly basic
understanding on how common mistakes can be avoided. Once you
implement this basic strategy you can restore a balance and allow
your ex to remember why he loved you in the first place.

Just keep yourself grounded and avoid smothering him. Make
yourself appear mysterious and he will be reminded why he loved
you in the first place. Play hard to get (don't over do it) and
let him make the first move, and you will come out on top. And
then you will stop asking "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

How To Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend - Be Open Minded


Learning the tricks on how to get back with your ex boyfriend might be tougher than you thought. No, it's not impossible. As a matter of fact it's probably more achievable than you may realize. The real problem is that in order to make things work this time around you may need to face someone that can really be difficult to face: you.

What I mean is that in any relationship there are issues. Some issues are big and some are small. Sometimes the issues are fairly evenly divided between the two partners and sometimes it's almost exclusively one persons fault that things fell apart.

In order to learn how to get back with your ex boyfriend you have to be willing to face whatever issues you brought to the relationship, and that's not always fun to do. If you're strong enough and determined enough to get him back than you'll find the strength you need to make things work.

One thing to look out for though, don't make the mistake of thinking that just because you make changes everything will be great for the two of you. It might be if you were 100% at fault with everything that went wrong and your ex boyfriend was perfect, but of course, we both know that's not the case. You can't change your ex, only he can change himself but if he won't be willing to fix himself the way you are fixing yourself, it might be all for nothing.

So, what do you do to change? Well, it depends on what your issues are but for the most part if you figure out your issues and you're completely honest with yourself you can figure out why you have the issues you have.

For example, if you're overly jealous it usually means that you've either had someone cheat on you before or you just don't feel worthy of the love your boyfriend gives you. If you don't feel like your worth it it's only natural that on some level you would think that he's made a big mistake loving you and that sooner or later he'll realize his mistake and leave you.

That's not true of course, but if deep down that's how you feel than that's how you're going to react. That could be a big issue in your relationships. The point is that if you're having trouble honestly pinpointing your own issues and the causes for them, then you won't be able to fix this relationship or any other for that matter. It's best that you find someone who can help you work through all of this. Don't get scared of the idea of working with a therapist, instead just find one that you like and feel comfortable with who can safely steer you in the direction you need to go.

It's really not all that hard learning how to get back with your ex boyfriend. It will take time and honesty on your part but if you can find the strength you will be able to have great relationships for the rest of your life, not just romantic ones either, but all of them.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why Men Pull Away and Dump Women


Have you ever known a couple where the woman is not being very nice to her man but he still loves and adores her?

I am sure you have.... and you probably ask, what does he see in her?

On the other hand, some women try very hard to make their relationships better, but nothing works and the man still pulls away...

Here is the truth why men pull away in relationsips - the attraction they once experienced goes away, and no matter what you do and how nice you are to him, he is not attracted to you anymore!

And when that happens, women will typically do all the things that kill that attraction completely!
The problem is that once a guy pulls away, in an attempt to fix their bad relationships, women naturally do everything that kills attraction entirely!

Instead of doing the RIGHT THING, you are doing completely opposite from what you should do if you want to get him back!

This is because the man's mind works completely opposite of a woman's mind.

The things you are doing right now to get him back, repell him!

And you don't even know this!But don't worry...

What I am going to show you is how to get him back if he pulled away or broke up with you by recreating lost attraction and by using a set of strategies I have put together that will make him want you back, make him be with you, and make him irresistibly attracted to you again.

You will learn the two major reasons why men pull away - both of them contribute significantly into loss of attraction, and what to do once attraction has been lost.

If you have experienced his sudden loss of attraction and sudden change in behaviour, you know that a man can change his mind very quickly...

You know that just recently he was completely into you, and all of a sudden he wants a break up!But The Good News is that a man can change his mind back from being completely cold and aloof with you to a loving, romantic boyfriend he once was.and I will show you how to MAKE HIM CHASE YOU AGAIN
Don't Procrastinate! Your widow of opportunity is getting smaller and smaller! Don't let him shut the doors on you!

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back - What Went Wrong


If you want to know how to get an ex boyfriend back the best answer I can give you is to figure out what you did wrong, change it, let him see the changes and hope for the best. It may sound lame but that is actually very good advice and it works more often than not.

But, there are some pitfalls you have to watch out for. For one thing, you shouldn't accept total responsibility unless you really are totally responsible. Women are very bad at trying to fix relationships, they will often carry more of the burden than they should. It's great that you want to find and fix whatever problems you have, you should, by all means, but don't take all the blame if all the blame isn't yours.

If you're not sure you can be as objective as you should be, just talk to friends and family. Listen to what they have to say about your ex. Don't stick up for your ex, listen honestly and openly. Come from a place where you want to know the truth not from a place that you have to justify staying with someone who you maybe shouldn't stay with. That is not the best way to learn how to get an ex boyfriend back.

Once you've got a starting point on what you did wrong and what your ex did wrong, you can start to make changes. Of course, you can't change your ex. Only he can change if he really wants to, but starting on you will benefit you in two ways and that might be all it takes.

For one thing, you'll be a better person. It's like knowledge, no one can ever take that away from you. If you spend time improving yourself it will pay dividends throughout your life and with all your relationships, not just your romantic ones.

Also if you make changes and you and your ex do get back together it might spur him to make the changes he needs to make too. Sometimes we can use peer pressure in a good way. It's possible that he's so impressed with the woman that you've become that he wants to be a better man. If that happens your relationship can actually be better than it's ever been before.

Make the changes, but don't stop living your life and don't pester him all the time. Give him some space and enjoy your life. Then, after you've had time to figure things out and improve on who you are, call him. Ask him if he'd like to get together as friends ( I know, I used the 'f' word but at this point it's the best approach. If he thinks you're going to make a big scene about getting back together he won't meet you).

During this time just have fun. Don't worry about what will happen tomorrow just enjoy each others company and let him see who you've become. That one single thing is the best chance on how to get an ex boyfriend back.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Get Your Ex Wife Back


You may not realize it, but no matter how badly you messed up and how much you hurt your ex wife, it still may be possible to get your ex wife back. I'm not saying that it will be easy or that it will be quick, but it may be possible. you just have to decide if you are truly wiling to invest the time and effort it will take to do what is necessary to win her back.

If you can't really commit to the process totally you really should consider letting her go and find happiness. If you start down the road and you aren't able to take it all the way you will only get your hopes, and her hopes, up and you will both be disappointed. I'm not sure that you really want to put yourself through that.

OK, you're still reading so I guess that means that you're willing to do whatever it takes to prove to your ex that you're a changed man and that you still love her and want her back. Here's what you need to do: you need to become a changed man. Lip service and hollow promises aren't going to work anymore. It's time to suck it up and put your money where your mouth is. Time to change.

Step one of the process is figuring out what you need to change. This may sound easy but it's actually one of the hardest things to do because it requires you to look at yourself with complete honesty and many times we don't totally like what we see. If you really want to get your ex wife back you need to figure out what to change.

If you're not totally sure what you need to do, just think back to when the two of you were married. What did you argue about? More than likely your ex told you the things that you said or did ( or didn't say or do) that caused her hurt and pain. That is a great place for you to start. When she tried to tell you how she felt did you listen? Or did you get angry and defensive and feel like she didn't love you? That's a common response many people have. They somehow take it personally when their spouse tries to let them know how they're feeling. When your ex told you she felt a certain way about something, it's about her, not you.

If you really can't figure the problem out and you can't really find anyone to ask, you might want to spend a few sessions with a therapist. I know, most people find this prospect daunting ( a lot of people won't admit it's daunting they tend to use terms like 'a waste of time' or 'b.s.' but in reality they're really just scared of what they may hear). Anyway, a therapist can help you cut through all your own issues and will show you the things you need to see but aren't quite able to see on your own.

This process really is the only way you can do what needs to be done to finally
get your ex wife back.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

You want to get back together with your ex ?


Get Back Together With Ex - Yes - When You Do It Right

You want to get back together with ex. You broke up a month ago and now you wish you hadn't. You know now that she is the one for you and that you made a mistake by breaking up with her. Now you want to know if you can undo that mistake.

How do you fix it? Call her on the phone and ask to meet her for coffee or lunch. If she agrees, pick a quiet place where you can have some privacy. If that is not possible then suggest the two of you go for a walk in the park, take your lunch or coffee with you.

When you have her all to yourself, tell her how sorry you are about the break up and apologize for hurting her. Tell her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get her back into your life.

Expect some anger from her at this point, she may even cry. Stay strong and do not get angry with her. She needs to feel these emotions and if you stay calm and do not react badly she will see that you are serious about getting back together.

A sincere apology can go a long way to healing hurt feelings. Take some flowers with you to this meeting and look her in the eye when you apologize. Touch her in some small way, too. Your hand on her hand or arm should be enough physical contact to get and keep her attention. Compliment her. Tell her you like the perfume she has on or you like the outfit she is wearing. Make her feel good about herself.

She may not believe you at first. If, after this first meeting, she has not jumped back into your arms and professed her undying love, do not get discouraged. Be persistent when you want to get back together with ex but do not go overboard. There is a fine line between persistence and stalking.

Since your objective here is not to get yourself arrested but to win back the woman of your dreams, you need to tread lightly. Be attentive but do not get creepy. You want her to run toward you not away from you. If you ask her out or say you are going to do something, be where you say are going to be at the time you say you are going to be there. If something comes up and you find you will be late, be considerate and call her. Do not just leave her hanging.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you here is, you need to rebuild the trust and respect you lost when you broke up with her. It may take some time but persistence will pay off. If you truly want to get back together with ex you need to understand that trust and respect has to be earned and even though you lost it in an instant, it will take some effort on your part to get it back.
Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Getting Back With Your Ex - Fix What Broke


It's over, and you don't want it to be. But what can you do, what tricks will help you with getting back with your ex? Well, don't stoop to tricks. Instead try honesty and start with yourself.

If you really want another shot at a relationship with your ex you'll want to find out the problems the two of you had before and then make sure that those things are fixed so you don't just get back together and break up all over again.

Take some time, and a deep breath, and think back to what happened in your relationship before. What did you do or say that maybe you shouldn't have done or said? What did your ex do or say? Be honest now, who did the most screwing up, you or your ex? Figure out what you have to do to make yourself a better version of you and start there.

Don't worry too much at this point about your ex making changes, they either will or they won't but for right now you can only worry about you. You only have control over you. So start there. Figure out what areas you're weak in and make changes.

Are you overly clingy, jealous, whiny? If so, why? If you act like that there is a reason. Did you have another person in your life that made you feel insecure and unsure of where you stood?

Do you fly off the handle and get mad for no real reason? If so, why? Do you feel insecure in your relationship or in who you are? None of these things are easy to face. No one wants to admit that they're not a pillar of strength and confidence but it's often something as simple as one or more of these issues that can sabotage a relationship and until they're faced and resolved the issues will keep coming back, no matter who you're in a relationship with.

Finding the cause and curing it can go so far to help with getting back with your ex, it can also help you have better relationships in all areas of your life from work to your mother.

If you really want this to work, don't be afraid to enlist all the help you can, that may mean finding a counselor to work with. A lot of people will make a lot of excuses for not going to a counselor but it's really all about fear. People don't want to go because they are afraid of what they may hear. Most people would rather live in a state of denial rather than having to make significant changes to who they are. If that's who you are do yourself a favor and take the first step by facing all your issues head on.

I don't mean to sound like an ad for the army but if you need help getting back with your ex, being all that you can be is a great place to start.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Getting Back Together After A Break Up


Getting back together after a break up, is it possible, and if so how? First things first, yes it's possible to reunite with your ex after a breakup but the exact method and timing will depend on several factors. For one thing, why did the two of you break up? Did you leave or did they? How long have you been broken up for? What have you said and done before during and after the breakup? It's hard to give a one size fits all answer to that question but there are some common things that will work for most people.

First of all, remember, it takes two, no one person is totally responsible for everything that went wrong in the relationship, though that doesn't mean it's 50/50 either. Sometimes one person is more responsible for the trouble than the other. Figure out where you are in all that. How much of what went wrong are you directly responsible for? Come on, be honest. It may not be much fun to face up to the things you've done but if you really want your ex back it's the only way to do it. After all, why would they even consider getting back with you if you haven't changed at all?

Once you've figured out how you screwed up the next step is to fix it. Nothing fancy, just figure out what areas you can use some improvement in and improve. This is a real win/ win situation. no matter what happens with your ex, you'll be a better person for the rest of your life. Not a bad deal all in all. Getting back together after a break up will require you to do this step.

Once you've faced things, made changes and are ready to show off what a great person you are, it's time to find your ex and let them see the shiny new you. Again, this step will depend a lot of how everything ended. Assuming there weren't too many sparks, and hopefully no restraining orders, you might want to casually suggest to your ex that the two of you meet.

Hopefully they'll accept, if not you may need to try to spend some time with mutual friends and let them see the new you. More often than not word will get back to your ex about how much you've changed. It won't hurt to let your friends know that you want to get back with your ex... your ex will probably hear about it through the grapevine.

Don't meet with them with the idea of talking them into taking you back, nope. Just meet with them and let them get to know you, the new you. Show them who you've become, talk is cheap, let your ex see for them self the changes you've made. That is the best way to convince them that the two of you have a chance of making things work this time around.

So, with some luck, patience and a lot of love you may just find that
getting back together after a break up is possible and good for both of you.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Saving A Relationship - 1st Step And Beyond


The first step in saving a relationship is to determine if it is worth saving. Do you still love each other? If the answer is yes then, by any means possible, try to save it.

There are no doubt walls have built up between you. Whatever the reason is for those walls to have been built, get rid of them. If this is going to work you must both agree to start with a clean slate and just forget about what brought you here to begin with. Everything will get worked out in time.

Time. Your relationship did not get this bad overnight and it will not get fixed overnight either. So, understand that if it is to be fixed it will take some time. The sooner you start, the sooner your relationship will be back to normal.

Try to look at the situation from your partner's point of view. This will give you a new perspective on the problem or problems affecting things so negatively. Too often when things start to go bad, one or both people in the relationship go into what they think is survival mode and figure it is every man or woman for themselves. You stop working and thinking as a team. No relationship can survive without teamwork.

The best way to get your partner's perspective on the relationship is to sit down with them and ask them what they think. Never be so presumptuous as to insist you know what your partner is thinking. You could be dead wrong and that would only make things worse.

So, when first inviting your partner to sit and talk about saving a relationship, make sure that any ego or pride is left at the door. Remember the saying, "Pride goeth before the fall." Make up your mind, do you want your pride or do you want your partner? You most likely cannot have both. If you choose your pride then your relationship will fall.

Set the ground rules for your talk. First, let your partner have the floor and let them get everything out on the table. Show your partner some respect and do not comment or interrupt them when they are speaking. Wait patiently for your turn and then focus only on the issues at hand. Take notes if you need to so you can respond to whatever it is they want to say.

Stay cool, calm, and collected, do not get angry at them for voicing their opinions and make sure when it is your turn they know that they should do the same. The only way this will be effective is if the hurt and anger stays at the door with the pride.

Whatever the issues are talk each one through to a solution. Do not leave anything unresolved. This may mean you have to have more than one session with each other. Do not get too busy for these sessions, make appointments if you need to and stick to them. Anything that gets left behind will just fester like a splinter in your finger and pretty soon the infection will spread to the bloodstream of the relationship and your relationship will die from sepsis.

Saving a relationship takes time and effort on both parts. Taking the time and making the effort shows each other you are committed to doing what needs to be done to keep your relationship strong.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

How To Stop A Divorce Before Its To Late


If you're one of the millions of people who are heading for a divorce they don't want and you're asking how to stop a divorce, you'll be happy to know that it can still work out. Even though it might seem impossible and it might be an up hill climb, please don't give up hope. By using the right tactics you'll be surprised at how often people can pull their marriage back from the edge.

start with trying to talk to your spouse, and while this should be one of the easiest things to do in many cases, it's the hardest thing to do because of a long history of the two of you not being able to effectively communicate. That has become a habit in your relationship and it's not going to change all on it's own. So, to help accomplish this step, you might want to visit a therapist who can help you find better, more effective ways to talk to one another.

It sounds so stupid, and so easy to overcome, but communicating is not as easy as it seems like it should be. We are always bound by our own issues, whether we know it or not. We all have some insecurity about things and that insecurity can come across unexpectedly. For example, if you were told multiple times while growing up that you were dumb and your partner says something that seems to insult your intelligence, you're likely to be much more sensitive than you should be. You'll snap at them and they will get mad and wonder what the heck they did wrong, and a fight will erupt. Learning to overcome all of this can be a huge step towards learning how to stop a divorce.

Again, an impartial therapist can help you pinpoint these areas of weakness and learn to work around them. Figuring out the issue is only half of the battle, you also need to learn how to overcome the issues that cause you strife in your life. The truth is that these issues have caused you problems in all aspects of your life, not just your marriage. Getting them solved will make you a much happier person all the way around.

Also always try to put yourself in your partners shoes. It's not always easy to step outside of ourselves and see things from your partners perspective but learning how to do that will take some time and practice. If you can come out of your little world and see things from others point of view, then you will be a better person and a better partner. If you can both do it, than you will have a much fuller relationship not just with your partner but with everyone you see.

It's never easy to see a valued relationship fall apart slowly, but there are many things you can do to stop it. Just take some time to figure out where you and your partner are coming from and make every attempt to respect both of you. Doing this is the best way to learn how to stop a divorce.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Stop Your Divorce


Stop Your Divorce - Yes - Maybe - NO

When it comes to trying to stop your divorce most of us will do the exact opposite things to what we should really do. One of the most common things is to plead, beg and promise to make changes. A better thing to do is to be realistic. Sometimes a marriage can't be saved, and maybe shouldn't be saved. Decide if your marriage really should be saved.

It's easy to get scared of the prospect of being alone, especially when you've been with someone for a long time. Just make sure that that is not the reason you want to stay married. It's not a good reason.

If you find that you really do want to save your marriage for the right reasons than you have got options. Here are some things you can do, or not do, to help save your marriage:

1. First things first, assuming that your partner isn't just a jackass, but has been a loving partner to you and has just gotten to the point where they don't see a future between the two of you, take some time to evaluate how you and your marriage have changed since the two of you have been together.

It's sad but true that we often drift apart from each but it happens so slowly we don't even realize it. Try to compare where the two of you are now in your relationship as opposed to where you used to be. Now don't be unrealistic. People change and so do relationships, you can't expect to feel exactly the same way together as you did when you were twenty. That's unrealistic. But that doesn't mean that as the two of you have changed and grown that your marriage can't change and grow and stay strong too. Has it? Or have the two of you gone your separate ways without even realizing it?

2. After you've given that some thought and hopefully come up with some ideas, talk to your spouse. I mean really talk, talk like you probably haven't talked to each other in years. Openly, honestly without anger and resentment. Don't accuse, just suggest. Tell them what you think and ask them what they think. Even though you are both coming at it from different angles, you might just find that you are both on the same page. Talking will help you find out.

3. One of the best things the two of you can do is to find a counselor who can guide you down this path. The two of you have probably had years of poor communication skills and bad habits, it's going to be hard to break those bad habits alone. A counselor can help. A counselor can also act as referee if things start to get a little too heated. If you really want to save your marriage this is usually the best way to go about it.

By trying to stop your divorce you just might make your marriage better than it's been in a long time, or maybe better than it's ever been. Just talk to one another, and more importantly, listen to one another. Find someone who can help you navigate this difficult path, and you'll have a very good chance of making things work out just the way you want.

Learn To Win Love Back Click Here!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Relationship Break Up - 2 Schools Of Thought


Breaking up is hard enough to do as it is, no one wants to have to endure a big scene where theres a lot of crying and pleading. Yuck. To find the best way to go through a relationship break up and make it as easy as possible on both of you, here are a few tips.

More than likely by the time you're ready to end the relationship you've already had enough emotional scenes to last a lifetime and just can't face the idea of another one. That's the reason that some people take the (tacky) route of leaving a voice mail message or sending a text message to breakup. While it's understandable that you'd want to avoid another scene, it's a crappy way to end a relationship.

There is a middle ground, somewhere between a tacky text message and a full on emotional assault:

1. For one thing, make darn sure you really want to breakup. Now is not the time to be wishy washy. Give it some thought and don't do it on the spur of the moment or you may just end up regretting it and eating your words. But, once you've made up your mind give yourself a day or so to get your head around it. When the times comes you have to be calm and firm and allowing yourself time to get used to the idea will help you accomplish that.

2. Now that you've decided that a breakup is the right thing to do and you've gotten used to the idea, don't drag it out forever. Decide on the best time and place, and make it soon, to have 'the talk' with your partner. When choosing the best time and place you should choose a time where you can take some time and explain things. Don't tell your best friend or anyone else until you talk to your partner, you don't want someone to slip up and say something before you've had a chance to talk to your partner, the news has to come from you.

As to the location, there are two schools of thought on that. Some people recommend a restaurant or some place public to keep the scene to a minimum. While other people think that this type of conversation should be handled in private so that your soon - to- be-ex doesn't have the added humiliation of breaking down in public. Personally, unless I were afraid for my safety, I'd go for the private location. I just think that your partner deserves that much respect.

3. When the two of you meet, don't go for the big buildup. Just say what you want to say and get it out. Make sure you explain why you've reached the decision you have (explain, don't justify. It's your decision to make you don't have to justify it). Be compassionate but firm. Don't waver in the least. Let them talk if they want, but only for a short time. It won't do either of you any good to sit through a long, uncomfortable pleading session. If they have something to say, fine, let them have their say. But if it's just one long attempt to get you to change your mind you have to pull the plug.

4. After you've done the deed, leave. Don't call them and don't accept their calls if they call you. It may sound harsh but it's far worse for you to send mixed signals and talk to them if you really don't want them in your life. Best for both of you to just move on.

A relationship break up is never a fun thing to go through, but if you have to do it, do it as compassionately, and quickly as possible. It's best for both of you.

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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Emotional Infidelity - Is It Trouble In The Making


We don't live in a bubble. We spend time out in the world with other people and sometimes we make a connection with those other people. This is great, and a wonderful part of life. But it can become emotional infidelity when you are being more intimate with this new person than you are with your partner, even if it isn't sexual. It may be hard to draw the line sometimes but if you find that you are thinking of another person a lot, and not just in a casual way, it may be that you need to assess your own relationship.

It's very common that this type of emotional affair will eventually lead to a sexual relationship. That's one of the main reasons it needs to be nipped in the bud right away. There is no reason to beat yourself up about it just because you happened to meet someone and found that the two of you had an amazing attraction. What you do need to do, however, is to recognize that any type of infidelity is wrong and you need to put a stop to it before it goes any further.

The longer you allow yourself to spend time with this other person, the stronger the attraction will become and the harder it will be to resist temptation, or break things off. If you are sharing things with this new person about your relationship with your spouse, you've crossed a line. It's one thing to confide some things to your friends, but not someone you are attracted to. Doing so will only create bigger problems for you and create an 'unnatural' bond with the new person.

Your spouse is the person you should be sharing these issues with, not someone who you are having feelings for. That is a breach of the trust you and your partner share. By letting this other person in, more and more every time the two of you talk, you are distancing yourself from your partner. If you do that for too long, your main relationship will completely fall apart. And even though you may think that's what you want so you can have the new person, it rarely works out quite so neatly.

It's unbelievably easy to make more out of the time you spend with your new friend. After all, the two of you don't bicker, you don't have any issues with money or how to deal with the kids, etc. The day to day things that can drag us all down aren't shared by the two of you so of course things may seem wonderful. Just remember, they felt that way at first with your spouse too. It's inevitable. But don't confuse that with having found your soul mate. Your soul mate is more than likely the person waiting for you at home.

Emotional infidelity is very often the first step to a full fledged affair. It's very easy to have a connection with someone else, but when that connection seems to take on a life of it's own, you need to pull back before things get so far out of hand that you can't salvage the situation.

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