Thursday, August 12, 2010

Stop Your Divorce

Stop Your Divorce - Yes - Maybe - NO

When it comes to trying to stop your divorce most of us will do the exact opposite things to what we should really do. One of the most common things is to plead, beg and promise to make changes. A better thing to do is to be realistic. Sometimes a marriage can't be saved, and maybe shouldn't be saved. Decide if your marriage really should be saved.

It's easy to get scared of the prospect of being alone, especially when you've been with someone for a long time. Just make sure that that is not the reason you want to stay married. It's not a good reason.

If you find that you really do want to save your marriage for the right reasons than you have got options. Here are some things you can do, or not do, to help save your marriage:

1. First things first, assuming that your partner isn't just a jackass, but has been a loving partner to you and has just gotten to the point where they don't see a future between the two of you, take some time to evaluate how you and your marriage have changed since the two of you have been together.

It's sad but true that we often drift apart from each but it happens so slowly we don't even realize it. Try to compare where the two of you are now in your relationship as opposed to where you used to be. Now don't be unrealistic. People change and so do relationships, you can't expect to feel exactly the same way together as you did when you were twenty. That's unrealistic. But that doesn't mean that as the two of you have changed and grown that your marriage can't change and grow and stay strong too. Has it? Or have the two of you gone your separate ways without even realizing it?

2. After you've given that some thought and hopefully come up with some ideas, talk to your spouse. I mean really talk, talk like you probably haven't talked to each other in years. Openly, honestly without anger and resentment. Don't accuse, just suggest. Tell them what you think and ask them what they think. Even though you are both coming at it from different angles, you might just find that you are both on the same page. Talking will help you find out.

3. One of the best things the two of you can do is to find a counselor who can guide you down this path. The two of you have probably had years of poor communication skills and bad habits, it's going to be hard to break those bad habits alone. A counselor can help. A counselor can also act as referee if things start to get a little too heated. If you really want to save your marriage this is usually the best way to go about it.

By trying to stop your divorce you just might make your marriage better than it's been in a long time, or maybe better than it's ever been. Just talk to one another, and more importantly, listen to one another. Find someone who can help you navigate this difficult path, and you'll have a very good chance of making things work out just the way you want.

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