Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dealing With Relationship Break Up

Dealing With Relationship Break Up - Regroup And Sort It Out

Yuck, one of the worst things to have to go through is the loss of a relationship. It may not seem like you'll ever feel like you again. In most cases it will take time to get back to the 'normal' life you had before. The longer and more intense the relationship the longer it usually takes dealing with relationship break up.

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it should take to move on after a breakup. Everyone is different. Sometimes friends and family may mean well when they tell you to 'get back out there' but in reality, they may be depriving you of the opportunity to get your head around everything that has happened.

This time to regroup and sort everything out is very important, if it's done right. It's not about wallowing in 'what if's' or stalking your ex, or spending weeks on the couch convinced that your life is over. If you spend this time analyzing the relationship, good and bad, try to figure out honestly where you went wrong, you'll stand a much better chance of being able to move on with minimal baggage.

Now, no one is saying that you'll be able to look at things logically and clearly in a few weeks. In most cases it will take a month, or months, to get enough distance to be able to start deconstructing where the relationship went wrong, and that is one of the reasons you don't need to rush the 'moving on' stage.

On the other hand, you should be making at least small, consistent strides forward after a month or so. If not, you may need some extra help. If you're just not moving on, even in baby steps, you should seek help. The same thing holds true if you find yourself engaging in self destructive behavior such as having sex with anyone you can find or drinking too much.

Don't think of this as being a sign of weakness, as a matter of fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes enormous amounts of strength and courage to admit you have a problem and ask for help.

If you are doing o.k. on your own than one of the things you should be doing is spending time doing positive things with positive people. Most of us have that one friend who seems to be able to make us laugh no matter what is going on in our world. Spend time with that person.

It's also a good idea to rediscover yourself, those parts you put on hold when you were with your partner. Those things you like to do but didn't do because your partner didn't want to do them. Now is the time to re acquaint yourself with those activities.

Breakups suck, I'm sorry but there's just no polite way to say it. The nice thing is that if you approach it the right way, you can find constructive ways of dealing with relationship break up that might not only help you move on a little more quickly, but that also might help you out in your next relationship.

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